Worst Jokes Ever

What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

Guess Stephen's batteries died.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"

What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?

I don't know... I'm from China.

If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?

These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.

Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.

So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.

An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.

Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?

Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

What's an edible part of a wheelchair?

A vegetable!

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.

Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.

"Correct," says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.

"Correct again," says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"

Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?

A: I'd hit that.