Worst Jokes Ever

Yo mama is so fat we need to use yo papa!

Why are gay guys so rude?

Because they’re fucking assholes.

What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?

A slow clap.

Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?

Because the white guy actually did it.

What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?

My brother didn’t beat cancer.

Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...

Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.

What is the shortest month of the year?

May, it only has 3 letters!

What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?

Mars bars.

Why did the egg hide?

Because it was a little chicken!

Why are gay men so rude? Because they're fucking assholes.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

What's another name for cumming inside a woman? Loading the dishwasher.

Yo mama is so ugly her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.

A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.

When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"

For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."

He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."