Worst Jokes Ever

Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

The three unwritten rules of life:

1. 2. 3.

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.