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Boy: mom why are drinking this disgusting red soup, I wanted salad
Mom: quite son we only get this once a month

there were three men, and two of them died, the last man alive said " that’s two less mouths to feed"

here’s a joke - your life

whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? the wheelchair.


Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack…

the person who is reading this

All these African jokes ain’t funny when you are a lover of Africa, how are there still Africans alive? Y’all are racist and may God forgive you… You know we rich with natural resources that’s why y’all come to steal from us… Shame on you ALL

What to do you do after you rape a deaf girl? Cut off her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

So there was school shooting in Florida why didn’t the shooter just go to Disney…sorry i just work there and I’m trying to get people to come on down.

Friend 1: I HATE YOU! Friend 2: cries b-but i-i didnt say t-that!! Friend 3: writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored Me: points at pencil lead NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS LEAD TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! plz shut up. All my friends: groan at horrible pun


Yo mama stops at the PokeStop… to buy a Big Mac.

this one time i said that john cena looks like crap but i realised i cant see him LOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

How do you get 100 Pikachus on a bus? - Pokemon

What weapon does a fat jedi use?

A heavy saber

When other people tell a joke; 3/3 people laugh. When I tell a joke; 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.

Knock knock. Who’s there. Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh----MOOOO

Whats the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off - He’s all right now