Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the chicken cross the road? To poo in the toilet.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.

You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.

You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.

I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!

What's great about an emo pizza?

It cuts itself. Yay!

What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)

Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.

Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.

Student: OOFT.

Teacher: Who are we missing?

Student: Your parents.

How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.

My humour is so dark that its life matters.

Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.

Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.

Boy: Hey! I love you...

Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.

*boy sent a pic of his dic*

Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.

Did you hear about the gay choirboy?

He choked on his first hymn.

"Transgenders men in disguise".... A xxx Transformers parody coming soon to DVD.

What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.

I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!

Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"