Worst Jokes Ever
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Why is a tree brown?
If you are thinking about this, you are racist.
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.