Worst Jokes Ever
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
Friend: I got bit.
Other friend: By what?
Friend: A dog.
Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)
"Rehab's for quitters, and I don't give up."
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.