Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.