Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
What's long, brown, and sticky?
A stick.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.