In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
Worst Jokes Ever
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
The three unwritten rules of life:
1. 2. 3.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Why are theaters popular among cows?
They enjoy watching moovies.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
Why was 9 afraid of 20?
Because 28, 29.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
