An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Worst Jokes Ever
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
Where do the Borg eat fast food?
Borger King.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
3.14% of sailors are...
π-rates.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
