Worst Jokes Ever

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

Son, you are not precious, so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you.

Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me?

Son, you're adopted!

I'm gay.

Only really smart people will get this without it being explained.

Toilet paper fight hat.

Stephen Hawking was incredible at poker, he had no tell whatsoever.

Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".

So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".

So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"

I know, it's an awful joke.

Why did the plane crash?

Because it was being flown by a loaf of bread.

What does a rain cloud wear under her dress?

Thunderwear.

You were born on a road. That's where most accidents happen.

Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.

What do you call a bad bitch? You call them stupid bitches.

Why didn't the Asian get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

Orphans go to church to call someone father.

I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."

"Did I do that?"

What are intelligent people in the US called?

"Tourist."

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

Why did the chicken kill himself?

To get to the other side.

Why can orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.