Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
Why can't orphans get a home run?
Because they have no home to run to.
Yo mama so fat, NASA used her stomach to jump to Uranus in seconds.
Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?
He was "bone tiba wild."
What did the customer say when Beef a Roo made him a bacon cheeseburger?
Thank a Roo.
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
Yo mama is so dumb, she'll watch edited Peppa Pig all day long.
Have you heard the joke about the paper?
Never mind, it's tear-able.
I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?
What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.
The sun isn’t the only thing that rose up this morning...
What’s Steven Hawking's favorite crisps brand?
Walkers.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
Operation failed in North Korea, the surgeon died.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
A depresso espresso.
JK.
It's cyanide.