One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
Worst Jokes Ever
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
When you're going to Titanic: It's the best ship in the world.
When you know it's sinking: It's the poor ship!
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, hereâs your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! đđ
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.
What do you call a bunch of biracial, retarded kids? The Special Olympics.
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs ;)
Depressed people are lame because they are just lame, no reason.
Iron Man: Where are you from?
Thor: Asgard.
Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?
Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!
I made a website that helps orphans. Sadly, it doesn't have a homepage.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"
The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."
A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"
The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."
Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."
Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.
Whatâs yellow and canât swim?
A bus full of kids.