What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
Worst Jokes Ever
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
UR MUM!
I'm so proud of my grandpa, he killed Hitler. WAIT-
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
Have you ever heard about the new virus in China? It's called Hupun.
Hupun DEEZ NUTS!
Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
Kobe got irl canceled.
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."
You're gay, stop reading.
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.
Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?
A: Because knives don't have barrels.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...
...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"
What do you call a fat spеaky in a wheelchair spеaky chair?
I was speaking to a deaf Asian man. I said, "Hi." He said, "Wha yiu sa?"
