Worst Jokes Ever
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
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Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa?
Sniffing cocaine?
YES SIRRR!
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because no one will call them daddy.
I saw this kid on the street wearing a rag. I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
What's it called if an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.
Why was the chicken screaming?
He had an egg stuck in his butt.
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
What do clothes and emo kids have in common?
They both get hung.
What type of car did Hitler drive? A gas-guzzler.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a train.
Why can orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Did you hear about the baseball game between America and Ethiopia?
America - 8
Ethiopia - didn't.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.