Worst Jokes Ever
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
When you're working in the Twin Towers, but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.
Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?
Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
Most orphans were born on the highway. It’s where most accidents [happen].
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.
You're in Australia. Your forehead is the reason why Africa is so hot.
Why did the towers fall? Because someone in Call of Duty hijacked the planes and crashed them into it.
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli hasn’t got a surname!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.