2020 jokes
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
Orphans must hate 2020 because you need a home to homeschool.
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...
My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!
Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:
Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."
Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"
Comedian: "I'm not tr-"
Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"
Comedian: "I-"
Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"
In the year 2020, who were the biggest enemies?
Coronavirus and toilet paper.
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
What does 2016 and 2020 have in common?
A monkey caused worldwide outrage.
You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
Biden 2020.