Yours jokes
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
Your hairline is so screwed that Michael Jackson can't even moonwalk to your hairline.
Your forehead is so big that your name is Humpty Dumpty, the big forehead!
Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Roses are red,
foxes are red,
I like your butt, let me touch it forever.
What's the same with your dad and Retail Row?
They are both off the map.
Hey, do you remember that dragon thing?
Draggin' these balls across your face.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
I was in the bedroom slapping your girl harder than Will at the Oscars.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.
Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."
Children are like farts.
You can only tolerate your own.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?
Ok, ok, ooh, I'm so lit right now.
Your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy. Ooh, I'm so lit right now, your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy. Ok, ok, ooh, I'm so lit right now, your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: You can't find your dog.