Yours jokes
Your hairline's so far up, they call it a skyline!
Roses are red, Burnt bodies are black.
You'd look great With a knife in your back.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Your dead son.
I can find the end of time before I find your hairline.
Your mama's so fat, when she went to the movies, she sat next to everyone.
You're hairline is like I was so fat Dora the Explorer couldn't find your numbers!
Your insults are drier than your pussy.
You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.
Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.
If you're ever bored, hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
Your hair line is curved like a moving train.