Yours jokes

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

Bully: How’s your girlfriend?

Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?

Bully: *cries*

Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!

Do you play Sea of Thieves? See if these balls fit in your mouth, gotteeeem!

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe, just maybe you'll find a brain back there!

"Get off your computer, Jessie Jex."

Sonic says if you're bored, go punch an orphan. I mean, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

Your momma's so fat, she went on safari and got shagged by an elephant!

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

Here's a joke: Your life decisions.

I got the new phone with longer lasting battery, but it still lasts longer than your relationships, ooooooooooo!

Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.

Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.

Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.

Kid: Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?

Kid 2: Why?

Kid: 'Cause it's as short as your dick.

"Why is your head big?"

"'Cause you're a ball."

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?

Boomerangs come back.

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.