Yours jokes
Your hairline goes sooooo far back that dinosaurs exist on it.
You're as useless as Stevie Wonder's eyes!
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
Why can't your nose be twelve inches?
Because then it would be a foot.
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
Your momma is so fat, she eats insulation and thinks it's cotton candy.
Friend, you're bold and fat.
Me: Bro, go to the bathroom and look at the mirror. You will probably break it.
I told my wife she was lousy in bed.
She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"
Your hairline is like the McDonald's logo. It's forming a perfect M.
When you realize the shuttle blew up.
Then you realize you're on the shuttle.
You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?
Having to wait your turn.
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
Why did I trip over your foot?
Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!
You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?
Boss: You're fired!
Me: Ok?
Worker: Why are you fired?
Me: Oh, you wanna know...
*shows him the oven with my pizza*
Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!
Worker: OH SHIT!!
Boss: Did you say pizza?
Me: I sure did!
*shows boss pizza in oven*
Me: This hoe black as fuck!
Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?
You're so fat, Thanos had to snap three times to destroy you.