Yours jokes

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?

Shut up and comb your face.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?

Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!

"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

Best thing ever right here.

So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.

I called an orphan's house, saying: "Are your parents home yet?"

He started crying.

A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"

"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."

"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"

"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

If you're bored, joke about an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"

What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?

If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.

If you make jokes about SH, you're not funny, and if you do, I'm gonna assume you're some 12-year-old who wants to be an edge lord. I don't really care if people get pressed.

I swear I witnessed your nana fall down the stairs.

L

I swear your eyebrows have attachment issues, they're touching right now.

If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."

I thought the Sahara was the largest desert until I saw your forehead.