You're jokes
My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your new stepfather."
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!
You're gay if you see this.
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
Memes
I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
Can you believe they're still together after everything they've been through?
Who you might ask...
YOUR ASS CHEEKS!
Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!
When you're going to Titanic: It's the best ship in the world.
When you know it's sinking: It's the poor ship!
Your momma's so nasty, she sucked your daddy's dick and kissed you good night!
Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.
Q: You have problems, I think your disease is BOOFA.
Q: What boofa?
A: Boofa deez nuts in yo mouth!
Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?
What goes moo? Cow.
Share this with your friends!
Cool kid: I slept with your sister.
Me: Never knew my brother was a girl.
Everyone else: :O
I had to get my dog. Is it a tree? Was your time and I had fun today after dinner. I had...
How do you know when German people break into your house? When you can not find your bed.
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
Me: "You wanna see my dad?"
Some kid: "Yeah?"
Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."
Some kid: "He ain't appearing."
Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."
*The kid laughs*
Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃
I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.
"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."
"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."
I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!