You're jokes
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.
The world's funniest joke? Your life.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
Are you beef?
Because you're Carlos-Asada.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
BOB: Wanna know a joke?
LILLY: What? Your hat?
BOB: No, my life :'(
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Child predators: "You're so six-y."
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.