You're jokes
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.
Wanna hear a joke?
YOUR MOM!
OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
You’ll need a bib when you’re done eating my ribs.
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
YOUR MOM sucks my dick 24/7.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
Cyber bully: Your mom giey.
Me: nO U
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
Your own life, hah!
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemy's side die for his.