You're jokes
My friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: No.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because you are a joke.
Friend: Your life is too...
Me: :)
Friends :)
I go to get my mail.
Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"
Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"
Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Dad, why are we here?
Because you're not loved.
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?
Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.
Child: *realizes*
When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"
If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!
Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.
Your PP is small, just like my will to live.
Person 1: Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Person 2: Yeah.
Person 1: Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!
Kid 1: Do you know Candace?
Kid 2: Candace who?
Kid 1: Candace dick fit in your mouth!
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.
What's the difference between your mom and a troll?
Nothing, they both look the same.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.
Hi Freshfry, hi Alex, I did not see your messages yesterday because I was at my brother's soccer game, and then people came to our house till 11:00. Lol, sorry :)