You're jokes
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.
Adin, you should consider eating pencil lead, you fat cat lover, only if you're the new Adin from FF though xoxo da babby.
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Yo, I feel like shit when you're around.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.
Jack quietly crawled through Jill’s bedroom window, trying not to make a single noise. She sat on her bed, her back facing him. Jack tiptoed up behind her, laid his hands on her shoulders and said, in a rather sensual tone,
“Boo.”
“Jack!” She yelled, “what are you doing here?”
Jack sat down next to her and smiled.
“I figured today was a good day to maybe go up to the hill?” He said.
“That sounds fun,” said Jill.
“C’mon, let’s go!”
The kids climbed down from Jill’s second story window. They frolicked around in the fields, hair swaying in the wind, as they neared the nearby hill. Jack took Jill’s hand, and they skipped up to the very top of the hill. They sat down on the bright green grass and giggled.
“You ready?” Asked Jack.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jill replied with a wink.
Jack laid his hand on Jill’s chest, softly pushing her onto her back. He got down on his knees, and bent down to the bottom of her dress.
“I’ve waited a long time for this...” he whispered.
Jack slowly pulled up Jill’s dress with one hand, running the other up her thigh. His anticipation was building faster and faster. He looked her in the eyes as he slowly pulled down her panties. Once they were all the way off, he turned his head downward. His mouth opened, his eyes went wide. Jack was speechless. Before he could say anything, Jill slammed his head down, gagging him with her giant cock. She sat up as she slammed his head up and down. Jack began to feel dizzy as he gagged and coughed.
“Silly Jack, didn’t you know? I’m not Jill. I never was. My name’s Randy. You’re mine now, Jack. So sit back, enjoy the ride.” Said Randy.
Randy moved Jack’s head faster and faster as he threw his head back. It was coming, fast. All of a sudden, he stopped. Jack’s head stood still as his mouth became a fountain of white, drizzling all over Randy’s legs and onto the grass. Randy let go and Jack jumped back, spitting and trying to get it all out of his mouth. Just as the dizziness began to fade, Randy walked over. The last thing Jack saw was Randy’s fist hurtling towards him...
Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?
A: "I'm calling your parents!"
Your mum is so fat that when she wore a yellow coat people called taxi!
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.