You're jokes

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Me: How do you say yes in Spanish? You: Si. Me: Si if these nuts fit in your mouth.

Your hairline looks like the stairway to hell.

Bent and far back.

Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."

Your hairline looks like the inflation in America.

Your mum eats cabbage.

What do guns and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

Your eyebrows and hairline are so far apart that when Dora the Explorer went and found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows, the map couldn't even tell her.

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

Your hairline is so far back that I didn’t know you had a hairline.

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Random: What are your hobbies?

Me: Bullying kids in WhatsApp groups 💀

Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.

Never challenge death to a pillow fight.

Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.

Your mama's so fat, when she grew an inch, she pushed the Earth down.

You only put your user name under Daddyboy_01 because your dad left you, hahahah!

I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.

Your mom.

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.

1, 2, 3, A, B, C, D, and there's a D in it and there's also a 3. That's how long your D is!