You're jokes
Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”
What the difference between a priest and acne
Acne waits till your 13 to cum on your face
POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.
You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.
Explain Bear, girl, you're tripping.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.
It’s not cheating if you’re all siblings.
Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.
Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.