Your mom

Your mom jokes

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A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."

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    • Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

    Friend: What kind?

    Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

    Friend: That's not funny..

    Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

    Friend: I'm calling your mom.

    Me: She knows.

    Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

    Me: She's supposed to help?

    Friend: Have you told your dad?

    Me: I will when he comes back.

    Friend: Where is he?

    Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

    Friend: ....

    Me: What?

    Friend: Why?

    Me: Why what?

    Friend: Why would you joke like that?

    Me: I was joking..

    Friend: I know.

    Me: Oh. I didn't know.

    Friend:...

    Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

    Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.

    Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.

    Bully: "Nobody loves you."

    Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

    Bully: Your mom gay.

    Me: There's something on your chin.

    Bully: Where?

    Me: No, on your fourth one.

    Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.

    I love you. You too. I love you. You have a good night. Love. Love. I love you. You and your mom, love. Love. You have the best friends. Love. You have fun. Love. Is it good? You you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school. I have fun at home.

    How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

    Your mom is a transgender, your dad took a wrong turn just like his gender, your brother is just gay.

    joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

    zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

    joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

    If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

    When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

    So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

    When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.

    Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.