You jokes

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

It's ice to see you.

Why do people have sex?

Because they like going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck me, bitch, I love you!"

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.

What do you call that useless piece of skin that goes all the way around a pussy?

A woman!

My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"

Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?

Guardian of the confessional booth.

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho cheese!

What do you call a toothless bear?

A gummy bear.

What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?

Parallel Parkinson's.

Suck my dick when you lay. I have to say you are gay.

So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."

A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."

Hi, how are you doing?

What do you call a fish with no tail? A one-eyed grape.