You jokes

I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.

Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!

You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.

How do you know if a rapper's broke?

When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.

What did the grape say to the rapper?

"You're so VINE, you must be on the JUICE!"

If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”

Person 2: “Seven.”

Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”

Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”

(Based on an encounter I had recently)

Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?

They're calling it Finding Emo.

"What do you want to eat?"

"You choose."

"Children."

"What?"

*Picks up pot*

"You said anything!"

A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"

She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."

Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for over 10 years.