You jokes

What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"

What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"

The reason why you have a high pitched voice is because you always sing opera.

Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a good day because I feel bad you're so short.

You smell like a monkey, and you might have to take a shower, pu.

Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!

What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."

The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."

Perfect dinner joke.

Did you hear about the new movie, "Constipated?"

It hasn’t come out yet.

Hey Prince, let's chat here, okay? Love you!

(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"

What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?

You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"

What are you willing to write in your notebook? These nuts.

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.

Have you seen the new movie Constipation?

You haven't?

That's because it hasn't come out yet.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)