Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
You Jokes
I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.
You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream!
"I love you with all my heart."
Is it just me, or everybody has a dark side, like a psycho side, and then you act like crazy for some reason?
Is it just me, or is it normal to you when people scream?
Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.
You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?
What do you call a stupid meme and a Mexican fighting? Juan on Juan.
Two gays came into the bar and said, "What's up, you big faf mother of hell?"
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.
What do you call a fat Mexican rat?
Rasmus.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
Oh my Prince, I've loved you ever since the day we met.
When I was caught in your net of love, sweet love... It's all above...
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
Roses are red, Tomatoes are redder. I think we both know, I like you better.
