You jokes
Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?
She has.
Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.
Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?
Me: I'm just BONELY.
Sans: Good one kiddo.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.
Have you heard of the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?
See if these nuts fit in your mouth.
Have you heard of deez nuts?
What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.
How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
Do you know why orphans can't play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.
Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
You're so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.
You're so ugly Bob the Builder cat can fix you.
You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.