You jokes
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods?
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
You can hit an orphan, because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
What do you call Aston?
Asston.
Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.
Yo mama so stupid that she shit and farted on you, asshole!
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
Have you ever tried anal bleaching?
It really helps assholes lighten up.
Tell an orphan: if you got no parents, clap your hands.
Your forehead is so big they call you the Leaning Tower of Forehead!
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
How do you make orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap for their parents to come back.