H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
Steven Hawkings Sesh Cave, Entry 50p, Guaranteed Budweiser and Ectasy. Maybe A Gram of Heroin, You'll most likely see a mental 90 year old guy absolutely going mental on the dance floor with a Stella in one hand and another on his crotch.
1:My grandpa died last year 2:What kind of cancer? 1:He was hit by a bus! its called bus cancer
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’
Read more: https://metro.co.uk/2015/11/26/the-ten-funniest-jokes-ever-according-to-science-5527698/?ito=cbshare
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What happened to the eight year old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church? The priest stopped him on the way there
This isn't a joke my dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago he still hasn't returned should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun but at the end I ran out of oxygen. It was a breathtaking experience.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You
Years later: Dad still did not come back
Sixty years ago Stephen Hawkings teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams kids reach for the stars.
So about a year ago I was riding a horse and out of no where the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off I would have been OK but my foot got stuck in the stirrup the horse dragged me along and didn't stop. I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manger who came out and unplugged the horse.
why does santa not have any children he only cums once a year
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
What do Macdonalds and Priests both do? They both put their meat between 10 year old buns
What do most 50-year-old men put inside there cars
Children
Bin laden was the hide and seek champion for 10 years. 2001-2011
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
So i met this girl and she was 9 out of 10 i meat this outher girl who was 7 years old the 7 year old 8 my 9 out of 10 girl cause 7 was a psychopath.
