Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.
Why does Zac say he works at McDonald's? Because Aaron go errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
why did the man get fired from work cause he took 2 days off in febuary
Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.
I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.
I remarked, "You lazy!"
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!
Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?
Because homing missiles don’t work on them.
What’s an emo kid's favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.
I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!
There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.
The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."
God busted out laughing and let him in.
The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."
God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡
Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.
There was a house with a three-story building.
The first one had Mexicans.
The second one had Africans.
The third one had white people.
An earthquake came.
But who did survive?
The white family because they were at work.
