Work jokes
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.
I dunno man, worked for me.
What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops?
Guardians of the Galaxy. 🌌
Jackhammer McQueerson
Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.
What do you call a group of children who go on strike?
A minor's strike.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.