Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
What is the biggest fear of firefighters?
Burnout at work
Boss: You're fired. Me: *pauses porn* Why?
Why does an orphan want to be a prostitute
Because they want to call someone daddy
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew tumed up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5.year.old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and ll spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. 'mey chatted with her, let her slt with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little lobs to do here and there to make her feel Important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a poy envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $1 0 'pay ' to the bank the next day to start a savings account When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally Impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'l worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.' 'Oh, my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too?' The little girl replied, 'l will, it those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the tucking sheet rock '
I'm in a wheelchair right so I've tried everything but one stand up
It didn't work
When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage
so once upon a time there was a man who lived in his house with his wife
he got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him
not even 4 seconds later he came back inside panicking, saying "there's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
the wife replied "oh don't worry rabbits don't have guns they can't shoot people- you must be imagining things"
the man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again
so he stepped outside the front door and the rabbit shot him
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
I ask the orpahan why he was crying. He didn't really say anything. The I asked where are your parents? He cried more. I love working at the orphanige.
Me:how does this thing work? ForTnite kid: oh u don’t know how to use a pistol look I’ll show you ForTnitekid: shoots foot Me: that wasn’t a very good demonstration
2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working
why don't churches have wi-fi? because they can't compete with an invisable force that actually works.
Bully 1 to Bully 2: You're ugly Bully 2: Look in a mirror. Bully 1: Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else.
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of sick fuck does that?
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player? A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
If wishes were horses Beggars would ride: If turnips were watches I would wear one by my side. And if if’s and an’s were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Why do orphan hate school because of home work
I rang my boss and said I’m really sick I won’t be coming into work, my boss said Davo your sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now? I replied well I’m in bed with my sister!
