Why jokes
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do, child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Why can't orphans play online games? Because they don't have parents to sign them up.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
Memes
99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂
Me: I got kicked out of the library the other day.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because I put the women rights book in the fiction section.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
Why are Indians such good actors?
Most of them are phone scammers.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?
A: Because it was too tired!! 😴😴😴