Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
Why Jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept on running out of the pen.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.
So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
