Why jokes
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost 2 towers.
Why do orphans play GTA? Cause they wanna feel wanted.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay people can play Star Wars.
Why can't you tell anyone about space?
Because it's too out of this world!
Why is America so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Why do orphans work boomerangs?
Because it's the only thing that comes back.
Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!