Wheelchair jokes

Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.

Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.

He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

What is a disabled person's least favorite song?

"I'm Still Standing."

Stephen Hawking tried comedy.

His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.

Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”

What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.