Whats jokes
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.
What's the difference between orphans and cotton?
Cotton gets picked.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
Memes
What do bees brush their hair with?
A honeycomb.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
What is Wacko Jacko's favorite David Bowie song?
"Boys Keep Swinging."
What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite piano note? A minor.
1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.