Whats Jokes

What do you call a creepy IT teacher?

A PDF file.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."

What is Wacko Jacko's favorite David Bowie song?

"Boys Keep Swinging."

What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite piano note? A minor.

The image shows three notifications on a phone. The first is from 'Anxiety' saying, 'What if you're not good enough.' The second is from 'Depression' saying, 'Everyone hates you.' The third is from 'Worm' asking, 'Would you still love me if I was a girl?'

1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.

What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?

Finger-food.

What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.

What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?

They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

What’s wrong with a gay bbq?

All the hotdogs taste like shit.

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Me: Oh, I wan-

Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.

What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."