What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
Whats Jokes
What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
What's black and has wheels? Black wheels.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
What did Michael Jackson find on his bed?
Billie's Jeans.
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"
If a physically handicapped gay white male is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall, and if you are a gay white male that is well-endowed that is not physically handicapped, and if you want the physically handicapped gay white male who is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall to suck your dick, what do you do to convince him to suck your dick if you have a hard on and your horny as hell?
Put $25.00 under the handicapped stall before you put your dick under the handicapped stall.
Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
What has 5 legs, 3 arms, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
