Whats jokes

What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?

"U Can't Touch Kids."

What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?

They're both yellow and can't drive.

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

Answer: Depresso.

What’s a pedophile’s favorite shoe? White vans.

Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?

Weird Kid: Magazines.

If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?

Alive.

What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.

What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.

What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.

Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.

"Correct," says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.

"Correct again," says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"

What is Jesus's favorite exercise?

Cross Fit.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of disabled children.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?

Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.

What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again.