Whats jokes
What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?
Two beeps went off.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
Memes
dd flat fr
What’s a pedophile’s favorite shoe? White vans.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?
Having to wait your turn.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.