Whats jokes

Father: "Son, you were adopted."

Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"

Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid?

A: Wanna hang out?

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.

What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?

The Final Cut.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.

What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.

What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?

One comes out of the chamber.

What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.

What do you call a man off the ground?

Hanged.

What's a suicidal person's favorite game?

Hangman.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."

Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."

Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."

Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."

Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.

What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?

They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

What kind of experience does a feminist have?

Being a bitch.