What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid?
A: Wanna hang out?
What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.
what is it called when an illegal immigrant is getting raped?
alien vs predator
What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?
No seriously, what is it?
What do you call a pregnant slave? Buy one get one free.
What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?
The Final Cut.
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?
One comes out of the chamber.
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
