Whats jokes
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.
And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.
The waiter said, "What's that?"
I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."
What do women and peanut butter have in common?
They're both easy to spread.
What is Hawking's number one song? The Beach Boys: "I Get Around."
What did the explorer say when he got tired?
I'm gonna take a map.
What did the teacher say to the student?
Orange you glad to see me?
What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?
Dead chicken and dead cow.
What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
I hate it when people think I'm a boy because of my short hair. I mean, what did you expect? I'm gay, of course, I have short hair.
What do sea turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What do you call me?
Chinese?
What do you get when you put a clown, a peodophile, a gay wet person?
Answer: YOUR DAD
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
I didn’t know what a class clown was till I went to a class and realized I was a class clown in kindergarten, and then I woke up from a nightmare.
Kid: “What happened to Dad?”
Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”
What's longer than a penis?
About anything.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
The hooker can wash out her crack and reuse it.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.