Whats Jokes

A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.

The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”

Me playing a game........ What, did God just stop our hearts because he didn't kill everybody?

Me playing a game...

What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.

Like if that was good.

What do you call a whore with a runny nose?

...Full!

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.

The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"

A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?

His lawnmower.

What do you call your sister if she only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

What do you call your sister who only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

What did the letter A say to the letter B?

"Z" you later.

I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.

Because that's what I want.

On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.

The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"

The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."

Hahaha

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

What type of implants are at a Chinese dentist office? Buck teeth implants.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?

A. Nothing, they both die at ten.

If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?

What is 1 + 1?

They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.

What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?

Cash and carry.

What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.