So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What's the difference between a frog and a skyscraper? The frog can jump. Hahahahaha!
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
I don't know, go google it.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
I do not know.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your fat ass mom.
What kind of cow has 2 legs?
YOUR MOM!!
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
What did the orphan say to the other?
"Robin, get the Batmobile!"
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
What animal can't you trust with your homework?
A: A cheetah!
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
