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What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?

The boomerang is guaranteed to come back.

What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?

The picture only takes one nail to hang.

Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?

A. Sunday school!

Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

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    • What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?

    Both their parents were separated.

    Orange: Hey Apple, Apple, hey Apple.

    Apple: What?

    Orange: Orange you glad I didn't say "Apple" again? Hahaha!

    "What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"

    "Cancer."

    A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"

    Teacher: What does a cow say?

    Susie: Moo.

    Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?

    Jimmy: The duck goes quack.

    Teacher: Now what does a pig say?

    Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"

    A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.

    What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

    It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.