What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.
Whats Jokes
What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
Q: What’s a koala's favorite drink?
A: Coca Koala.
What is a pup's favorite pizza?
Pupperoni
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
My friend, what's up?
Me: What's up in space is planets and stars.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
What do you call Peg and Cat from Peg + Cat? Egg + splat.
Eggy joke for all to enjoy!
OK, guys, quick update, what is going on with Freshfry, Drew, and Alya?
All they're doing is fighting, and I want to put an end to it. So Freshfry, Drew, and Alya all need to read this, OK. First, Freshfry, you should've just said OK the first thing he said, and Drew... really? You had to keep egging him on. I don't know about Alya, but it's like cats and dogs fighting. Just please stop fighting :(
Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?
A: Udderly destroyed.
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
