What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
Whats Jokes
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.