Whats jokes
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop an onion.
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
What's the difference between cake and pie?
πr2, cakes are round.
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
What do you call an octopus dad?
An octodad.
What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
The IRS came to this man's house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money that's been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man thought, "Maybe I need to get a lawyer." So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down, and the agent said, "There has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account, and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it." The man says, "Yes, I do. I'm a gambler." The agent says, "You gamble with that much money?" The man says, "Yes, I'll give you an example. Alright, I bet you $5,000 that I can bite my left eye." Agent says, "Alright, deal." The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agent says, "That's not fair." The man says, "I'll let you get your money back, or even more. I bet you $7,500 I can bite my right eye." The agent, thinking, "I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick," so the agent says, "Deal." The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says, "That's not fair." The man replies, "Alright, I have another one. You're down $12,500. I'll bet you $15,000, if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room, I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere." The agent says, "That's impossible, you've got a deal." The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk, and the agent says, "I got you!" He's laughing and happy that he finally beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face, and the agent asked, "What's wrong with you?" and the lawyer replies, "The man bet me $100,000 he could piss on your desk, and you'd just love it."
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?
Zeedonk.
What's the name for a short legged tramp?
A low-down bum.
What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.
What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up.
What is the difference between a man peering through the key hole and a woman in the bath?
One is rude and nosy; the other is rude and nosy.
What's a skeleton's favorite meme?
Ken Bone.