What's red, green, and smells like shit?
... Red and green shit.
Whats Jokes
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What’s the difference between bowling balls and babies?
You can unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What do you call an Asian prostitute?
Suck Mi Dong.
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
What did a gay Indian use as weapons of war?
A rain-bow.
What happens when you say, "Hey Siri?"
Stephen Hawking answers.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
What is a Jedi's favorite Italian dessert?
Obi-Wan Cannoli.
What did the bounty hunter call his favorite dog?
His Boba Pet.
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What is a Mexican's favorite type of dog?
A Chihuahua.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.