Whats jokes
What lives on the forest floor?
Forest Gump.
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
What’s Steven Hawking's fav[orite] food?
WiFi chips or his shoulder?
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
A ffsshh.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
What do you call a pig that pulled a leg? Pulled pork.
Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
What do you say to a pig with no nose? You have n'ought a snout!
What's the fastest cake? Scone!
What kind of bees produce milk?
Boobies.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?
"Restore factory settings."